


I've Given You Everything I Know How

by orphan_account



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Canon Compliant, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Post-Canon, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 03:29:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6837388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron finds Robert in the Scrapyard portacabin and accuses him of having Gordon killed. Angst, tears, and apologies follow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Given You Everything I Know How

Aaron finds Robert in the Scrapyard portacabin, hunched over his desk and staring blankly at the paperwork in front of him. His eyes are red-rimmed and watery, mouth set in a grim straight line, and he doesn't miss the half-empty bottle of whiskey and small glass sitting close by. He looks utterly miserable but there's a storm building inside Aaron's chest that leaves no room for pity or forgiveness, not right now. Not ever if the man in front of him is indeed guilty of the suspicions clouding his head. He desperately hopes it isn't true.

Robert hears Aaron enter but says nothing, doesn't look up or move. Instead he casts his eyes over the same piece of paper he's been looking at for over an hour, still not taking in any of it. The hurt and confusion that began as a numbness in his head has spread like wildfire to his heart and every breath is pain. It's a mess, the whole damn thing. His actions, done out of fierce protectiveness, have landed him in yet more trouble and caused Aaron further grief. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Clearing his throat, Aaron takes a few steps forward and then stops. "Did you do it?" He asks bluntly, and he hadn't planned on asking so directly but the words shoot from his mouth before he can stop them.

The words cause Robert to look up, a little startled. He blinks once. "You've lost me," he says, squinting.

Aaron squares his shoulders, steps a bit closer with hands clenched at his sides. "Don't play dumb with me, Robert. Did you have Gordon killed in prison?" He spits out the accusatory question like venom, like it burns his mouth to even hold the words there for the seconds before they escape.

It sends Robert reeling, breath leaving him like several hard punches to the gut. His eyes narrow and then widen, blinking a few times rapidly as he takes in the weight of the words. All of a sudden there's a rancid taste in the back of his throat like bile and he swallows, mouth dry.

"How could you even..." He trails off, searching Aaron's face before lowering his eyes as he feels them filling with more tears, except this time the anger fuelling them isn't directed at himself.

"So you're denying it then?" Aaron continues, head tilted to the side as he watches on. He clenches and unclenches his hands, his own eyes burning with unshed tears. He watches Robert's shoulders droop, watches as he deflates and sags back in his chair.

Robert scrubs a hand over his face and up through his hair, letting out a small, bitter laugh as he shakes his head at the ground. Then the laugh turns to a sob, and he's looking up at Aaron like his whole world has been cruelly pulled from beneath him and all that's left is this. Whatever this is now. Whatever they are.

" _Yes_ , I'm denying it, because I didn't do it," he bites out, and it hurts so much that it even needs to be said.

Aaron says nothing, but his hands unclench, hanging lamely by his sides. In this one moment he knows instantly that Robert is telling the truth; nobody, not even Robert, could fake the raw betrayal and heartache dragging down Robert's features. Aaron's body flushes hot with shame and he can do nothing but stand there.

The tears fall for them both. "Robert, I--" The beginnings of an apology.

"Don't," Robert whispers in a voice thick, cutting him off. "Was it your idea? Or does every Dingle think I've done this?" He questions.

The words sting Aaron right to his core. Another wave of shame washes over him. "Cain thought... And then my mum..." He can't say it coherently, can't string all the words together.

It's enough though, enough to tell Robert all he needs to know. He nods and keeps his head bowed, wiping his eyes roughly with the back of a hand. "And you instantly believed them. Back at the pub sharpening their pitchforks, are they?" He can't let it go, can't shake the betrayal and the anger. "I know I did wrong, Aaron, with the letter. I messed up, and I'm sorry, but you have to believe I was only trying to protect you. But this? _This?_ I wouldn't _do_ that to you, especially after everything. You've been through enough, you all have."

Aaron stands and listens, and he can't bear to look at Robert anymore even though he's not even looking back at him. He casts his eyes to the side instead, staring into the blank space. His lips are trembling and he bites at them, trying to keep them still. He bites until he can taste the tang of blood beneath their surface and stops just before he breaks skin.

Then he pauses and dares to look at Robert again.

 _"You're not even a Dingle."_ The words replay in Aaron's head.

_"I try my best to be a part of this family and I'm always in the wrong."_

The months of Robert's unwavering support flash by, each memory and interaction another bearer of guilt. Everything is crashing down around him. The doubt, the hurt, the confusing grief, the way he so blindly and carelessly accused Robert without even thinking. He watches Robert cave in and wrap his arms around himself.

"I'm sorry," Aaron breathes brokenly. "I'm so sorry."

Robert's tears don't stop and Aaron can't just stand there any longer. In a second he's in front of Robert, kneeling and looking up into his face.

"Please, _please_ , just... I know. I know you were trying to do right by me. I know, and God, I shouldn't have ever accused you of-- of _that_. I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he babbles, tears bubbling up and spilling down. He rests his hands on Robert's thighs to steady himself, wants to reach out for his hands instead but daren't.

"It feels like... It feels like whatever I do, it's not enough. Your family hate me. I try and try to prove I've changed but I can't. I'll never be different to you, will I?" Robert sobs, face crumpling. 

Aaron's heart breaks and he sees now, sees the insecurities pouring out in this rare display of Robert's utter vulnerability and fear. 

"Of course you are," Aaron whispers, rubbing his thumbs over Robert's jeans. "You _are_ , Robert. I told you before, I couldn't have done any of this without you." His voice is soft, an attempt of reassurance. 

He's shot down when Robert replies. "And I told you I wanted you to be able to rely on me, yet here we are. You don't trust me at all." It's a slap in the face, albeit a well-deserved one in this case but it hurts nonetheless.

Desperate to fix this mess of a situation, Aaron reaches up a hand and gently touches Robert's chin, moving his face and forcing their gazes to meet. He's unprepared for the aching devastation he finds in those blue eyes. 

"I wasn't thinking," Aaron stresses, "and I know that's not an excuse for the things I've just said, I know. But everything is just...too much, and I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. Between the letter and Gordon dying and worrying about how all of this is going to affect Liv as well as me, I just let their stupid suggestion get to me and I honestly don't even know _how_ I could think that after everything you've done..." He slides a hand up to Robert's cheek, cupping his face so gently. "Please forgive me," he begs, searching Robert's eyes. "I do trust you. I know it doesn't seem like it right now because I've mucked this up. But I do, I promise I do."

"I'm sorry too," is Robert's quiet reply, silently accepting Aaron's apology. "For the letter. I was just... I just wanted..."

Aaron gives him the tiniest smile, brushing away a tear with his thumb. "I know, I know," he hushes, and this is new, being so comforting towards Robert. Before he's never had much reason, and this kind of affection has always been difficult for Aaron to convey without also being bashful, awkward, and downright embarrassing. Today though it comes as easily as anything and he moves in and pulls the man he loves right into his arms. They sway together, reminiscent of the hug after that kiss in the kitchen, and Aaron's fingers stroke the hair at the nape of Robert's neck. "What are we both like, 'ey?" Aaron says lightly, trying to lift the mood and break the blanket of tension and upset shrouding them both. 

Robert sniffles into Aaron's neck and tightens his hold, and for once it's Robert's hands that grip the back of Aaron's jacket tightly. "I love you so much," he whispers, muffled.

The younger man hadn't been expecting those words of all things and he's taken aback. Heart softened by the gentle, broken declaration, he pulls away from the embrace and takes Robert's face in both hands, tilting it downwards until he can brush his lips tenderly on the other man's forehead. He hears Robert's small intake of breath, feels how the hands still gripping his jacket tighten further still, and he finds himself looking into Robert's eyes once more. 

"I love you too." 

There's a beat, and then Robert begins to laugh, the giggles rising up freely. Aaron stares at him, not understanding the sudden mirth.

Robert catches the confused expression and shakes his head. "It's just... See? Told you I could wait," he explains. 

It takes Aaron a moment to understand what he's referring to but when it clicks, he joins in the laughter. "Idiot," he says fondly.

"After today, I'd say we're both colossal idiots," Robert reminds him. 

"Agreed," Aaron replies.

 The air feels somewhat cleared, at least enough that they can both breathe again. 

"They don't hate you," Aaron says. "My family, I mean. Cain had no right to jump to conclusions and neither did my mum or me. They don't hate you, though. It's not hate." 

Robert nods, lowering his eyes. "They want to look out for you. I get it. I just wish they'd see that I'm only doing the exact same. I wish they could trust me." 

"Hey, look at me," Aaron continues, lifting Robert's chin again. "Don't worry, I'm gonna firmly put them in their places. I'll do the same with myself while I'm at it." He laughs, getting one out of Robert too. "I mean it though. You might have made mistakes in the past, but you deserve a chance to prove yourself and as far as I'm concerned, you already have. You've proved yourself so many times, in so many ways." 

"You mean it?" He asks hopefully, heart lurching. It's all Robert has wanted to hear for months, and he lets Aaron's words wash over him like holy water.

Smiling to himself, Aaron leans in. Lips meet, brushing together softly. "I mean it," he says upon pulling back. 

In a rush of emotion, Robert's tears spring back into his eyes and Aaron is there to catch him in a heartbeat. He kisses Robert like he's never kissed him or _anyone_ before, like Robert kisses him all the time - a hand either side of Robert's head, guiding and grounding. Robert is rooted to the spot, shocked in place by the reversal and the way he can feel the promise within the way their lips move against one another's. It's a promise of a future together still, a bright and happy one. It's hope.

When it's over, Aaron rests their foreheads together as they both breathe. 

_Time to put things right._


End file.
